Grieving the election...
It suddenly occurred to me that the feelings I was going through over the results of the election were similar to the feelings I had when I had lost a loved one. I was grieving the election. So, without further ado, here's the five stages of grieving the election:
The Five Stages of Grieving
1. Denial, shock and Isolation:
The first reaction to learning of the loss of the election is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. The reality of the loss has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered as if everything is "unreal."
2. Anger:
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at the incumbent President. Rationally, we know Bush is not to be blamed. It's the 51% of voters that put him in office that should be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent him for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the southern tier, Evangelicals or the world in general. Bereaved people will also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.
The Secretary of State in Ohio who called the state for Bush might become a convenient target. Democrats deal with loss and defeat every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their constituents or to those who grieve for them.
If you or a family member has great difficulty in accepting your election results and cannot resolve feelings of grief and sorrow, you may want to discuss those feelings with a person who is trained to understand the grieving process. John Kerry certainly understands the loving relationship you have lost and may be able to suggest loss support groups and hot lines, grief counselors, clergymen, social workers, physicians, or psychologists who can be helpful. Talking about your loss will often help.
Do not hesitate to ask Ohio's Secretary of State to explain just once more the details of how Ohio went for Bush. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding extra votes and malfunctioning voting machines. Discuss the cost of losing the election. Discuss what the next four years will bring. Understand the options available to you. Take your time. Both you and Ohio's Secretary of State will find that honest and open communication now are an invaluable long-term investment.
3. Bargaining:
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. If only we had jumped on the moral bandwagon sooner. If we got more support from Evangelicals. If we changed our candidates's personality, maybe he will do well. In this stage, the bereaved asks for a deal or reward from either God, the Supreme Court or the Clergy. Comments like "I'll go to Church every day, if only John Kerry had won the election" are common. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression:
Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. The bereaved person feels intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The possibilities under a new administration are missed and thought about constantly. There are two types of depression associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the cost of another four years of George Bush. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our divided nation farewell. It is best to remember that a simple hug is a powerful thing and sometimes that is all that is needed to ease the moment.
5. Acceptance:
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Acceptance comes when the changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilized into a new lifestyle. The loss of the election may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Of course, many, if not most, people will never reach stage 5. But chipper up, by law George Bush can't seek a third term in 2008!
~The Purgulist (taking shots at the net since 2004)
The Five Stages of Grieving
1. Denial, shock and Isolation:
The first reaction to learning of the loss of the election is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. The reality of the loss has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered as if everything is "unreal."
2. Anger:
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at the incumbent President. Rationally, we know Bush is not to be blamed. It's the 51% of voters that put him in office that should be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent him for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the southern tier, Evangelicals or the world in general. Bereaved people will also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.
The Secretary of State in Ohio who called the state for Bush might become a convenient target. Democrats deal with loss and defeat every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their constituents or to those who grieve for them.
If you or a family member has great difficulty in accepting your election results and cannot resolve feelings of grief and sorrow, you may want to discuss those feelings with a person who is trained to understand the grieving process. John Kerry certainly understands the loving relationship you have lost and may be able to suggest loss support groups and hot lines, grief counselors, clergymen, social workers, physicians, or psychologists who can be helpful. Talking about your loss will often help.
Do not hesitate to ask Ohio's Secretary of State to explain just once more the details of how Ohio went for Bush. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding extra votes and malfunctioning voting machines. Discuss the cost of losing the election. Discuss what the next four years will bring. Understand the options available to you. Take your time. Both you and Ohio's Secretary of State will find that honest and open communication now are an invaluable long-term investment.
3. Bargaining:
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. If only we had jumped on the moral bandwagon sooner. If we got more support from Evangelicals. If we changed our candidates's personality, maybe he will do well. In this stage, the bereaved asks for a deal or reward from either God, the Supreme Court or the Clergy. Comments like "I'll go to Church every day, if only John Kerry had won the election" are common. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
4. Depression:
Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. The bereaved person feels intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The possibilities under a new administration are missed and thought about constantly. There are two types of depression associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the cost of another four years of George Bush. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our divided nation farewell. It is best to remember that a simple hug is a powerful thing and sometimes that is all that is needed to ease the moment.
5. Acceptance:
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Acceptance comes when the changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilized into a new lifestyle. The loss of the election may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Of course, many, if not most, people will never reach stage 5. But chipper up, by law George Bush can't seek a third term in 2008!
~The Purgulist (taking shots at the net since 2004)
posted by The Purgulist at 7:49 PM
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